Asscroft Funhouse

Setting the Record Straight: An Analysis of the Justice Department's PATRIOT Act Website. A report from the Center for Democracy & Technology.

"...just as Attorney General Ashcroft has done in his speeches around the country, the website fails to engage on the substantive criticisms of the PATRIOT Act, instead touting provisions that no one objected to at the time the legislation was enacted and that no one has been objecting to since. Where the website does address controversial aspects of the law, it provides misleading, incomplete and, in some cases, incorrect information."

-M!

Gotta Laugh

Humorist Patrick M. Rhody on the news...

*President Bush says he won't let this weekend's violent attacks in Iraq stop the U.S. from completing our mission there, which includes the reconstruction of crumbling schools and making Iraq "a society in which their children can go to school, in which they can get good health care, in which they're able to live a peaceful life." Bush also said that once we're successful in Iraq, he plans on tackling problems in this country, including the reconstruction of crumbling schools and making sure children can go to school, get good health care and are able to live a peaceful life.

*Michael Shiavo appeared on Larry King Live last night. He's the husband of Terri Schiavo, the brain-dead Florida woman who has been at the center of a "right-to-die" fight. A highlight of the interview was when Jessica Simpson's husband, Nick Lachey, called in to compare notes on what it's like to be married to a woman with no discernible brain activity.

*The man who survived a dive off Niagara Falls last week says he did it because he was depressed and wanted to die. Kirk Jones says when he hit the water with a violent smack, he changed his mind and decided he wanted to live. Jones has a lot in common with David Gest, who was obviously not in his right mind when he married Liza Minelli and didn't come to his senses until he got smacked around a bit.

*The Japanese businessman who was ordered to stay away from Britney Spears is now suing her. The man says Spears' security guards caused him "extreme emotional distress." Coincidentally, that's the same reaction the man had when he saw Spears kissing Madonna.

*More than 1,000 contestants showed up for the 2003 Rock Paper Scissors World Championship in Toronto over the weekend. One highlight was when Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean kicked General Wesley Clark's ass, using his famous "scissors surprise!" move.

-M!

Ladies' Ass-Kissing Journal

Journalistic integrity goes right out the window as the mag hands the keys to the store over to Republican shill Peggy Noonan. Lizbeth Finn-Arnold gives us details.

-M!

Why are we back in Vietnam?

Frank Rich column in today's NY Times looks at the media and the president.

-M!